The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
