my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
tell me about the fingering
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