hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
