Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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