yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
