Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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