I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
