Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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