Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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