we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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