never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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