handjob tips. give me some.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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