do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
