oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
