somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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