the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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