moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
