My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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