Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
