I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
