Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
