I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
