Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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