new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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