the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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