I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
