turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
