He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize