perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
