You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
