on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
