On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
