We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
