this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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