I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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