I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
being pregnant is like rehab
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
