I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
