I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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