It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
