Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
