you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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