Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
