I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
