I wish I could punch you in the face.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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