Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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