How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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