he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
