My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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