I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
