Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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