Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
