Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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