my phone needs a breathalizer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
