Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I want is dick and wine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
