I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
