so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
