You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
