Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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