Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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