I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
