Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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