what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
