Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
